Adventure, and then some!

HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM 

What up Teyhass.

Man.  There is nothing in East Texas.

Nope. 

Still nothing.

Oh wait!  

There's ... 

wait for it ...

the world's (third) largest fire hydrant!!  Woot woot!!

I can't tell you how much this part makes me giggle:  (third)

Things you should ask us about:  the Memorial Fire Hydrant.  I've tried a few times and there's no way to make it not sound totally offensive in this blog.  but it's a really funny story.

And now in Houston this flashing sign:  Look out for the gaurd rail.  Yeah... look out for that.  

Houston did however have the House of Beer cans, which we thought was going to be merely another chance to mock a fellow member of society, but it was actually AMAZING. 

this man took decades to cover his house in beer cans, carefully flattening them out, as well as using the tops for wind chimes that hang from the roof.  I'm sad that you can't hear them (because we hadn't figured out video yet), because it was actually really beautiful.  And I mean, still BAT SHIT CRAZY that you drink a 6 pack every day and then nail it to your HOUSE, but we were really taken by it.  and appropriately boozy for us.

Ok, we loved South Austin.  Many thanks to Dan and Claire for the suggestions - an amazing dinner at Curra's - man, that mole was ridic.  And the margaritas were fab.  Which they needed to be after THE NEVER ENDING DRIVE thru east TX.  I thought I was gonna commit hari cari.  While driving.  And the Austin Motel is adorable.  

The room was so small, and we totally had to spoon on our full bed, but after our night at the Continental Club with the great rockabilly band (though really weird that the lead singer not only didn't know who Amy Winehouse was, but admitted it onstage.  I felt in theatre terms that's like being a working actor and saying, "lincoln center?  what's that?").  And I'm ready for yoga.  Sitting on your ass in a car blogging for 10 hours a day does nothing for you.  But I have told AMC not to worry, because when we have our show on the Discovery Channel, we will have personal trainers and stylists.  Which i'm super pump up the jam about.  i will say, though, that i am ready for wine again.  The live music and beer drinking has been lovely, and i thank you nola and austin, but napa, i hear you callin loud and clear. 

Aside: AMC describes our hotel room in Austin...Awesome.  Small, but awesome.  At one point, as Meredith and I were doubled over from laughing so hard, we took note of the god-awful plaster and out-of-focus framed photos on the walls.  Hilarious.  And why were we laughing so hard? You may remember from yesterday's post that there are certain things that cannot be described here, as this blog will simply not do them justice.  Well, when you see one or both of us, ask us to tell you the story of Rocky the Dog.  We have relived that moment about fifty times and it still makes us laugh so hard that we cry.

Cut to - we're heading out this am on 290 W and i keep seeing all these cute signs on the side of the road, to which i wonder if they are perhaps vineyards.  to which the following occurs:

AMC openly mocks me, and is like, "um, NO.  they're cattle ranches."

And I'm like, "ok, but if we drove up, do you think they would pour me wine?"

And she's like, "no meredith, they're, you know, pretty proud of their CATTLE."

To which i'm all quiet, thinking, fine TX, i'm ready for CA.  at which point i, dreaming of the sweet grape, look out my window at another said cute sign at the end of a driveway for... IRON STREET VINEYARD.  to which the following occurs:

Me:  HUH. THAT SURE LOOKS LIKE A VINEYARD.

AMC: ______________

Me:  AND WAIT, WHAT'S THIS COMING UP AHEAD OF US??  IS THAT *ANOTHER VINEYARD*?!

this went on for quite a few miles.  i never got over being right.  if you know me, you know this.  noteably, though, we did not stop.  BECAUSE AMC IS LAME.  whatever, 11am is a totally fine time for tasting.

Notes on this from AMC:  Okay.  It should be pointed out here that in an earlier conversation, Meredith asked, "What's up with all the plantations?" To which I corrected her: "Those are ranches, Meredith. Not plantations."  (Note from MM:  while in KY when i saw all these huge places, i was like, "wow, what huge houses.  that's a lot of land."  and AMC was all, "yeah, meredith, THEY'RE PLANTATIONS."  so let's call it like it is.)

Also, I had no idea TX was obsessed with creating small versions of other countries.  We were really sad to not be able to get into the Forbidden Gardens of CHINA, where some insane man recreated all these events and places of China in miniature, over 40 acres of land, that was next to the 99 Cent Store Warehouse.  Yes really.  It cost him 20 million dollars to do (thank you Roadside America), and really all we / you can see is the top of the pagoda because it was locked.  But you know that shit is good.  

And then today, the town of Fredricksburg, which we are calling Little Germany.  Adorable town!  Complete with over 10 Bierhauses and the German road names.  Spreken ze Deutch Teyhass?  Yes you do.  (Note:  the irony of Little Germany in the heart of Big Red Texas is not lost on us.  We were very scared about what was going to be around the corner, and said a number of things that would just come off really offensively)

Next town = Harper.  So naturally (note for AMC's friends - it's my dog's name) i had to get out on the side of the road for a photo, but as soon as we got out of the car, we were attacked by jumping bugs and are pretty sure there was a rattle snake really close by.  hence, why i look crazed in the pic.   the funniest part though?  our stopping SUPER pissed off these cows (and yes!  at long last we've figured out video.  watch out travel channel, you hear us comin...):

A moment from AMC: As we head toward New Mexico through West Texas, I am happy.  Quite happy.  For those of you who know me, you know that I spent a really intense amount of time in West Texas in my twenties, and that I am a sucker for this landscape.  It has been very wonderful to drive through here today.  I love it.  And, we just passed an ENORMOUS wind farm, which, Meredith pointed out is great to watch while listening to Coldplay, because it seems like it's choreographed. (She added, "And I'm not even high.") It's also pretty great watching the landscape go by and having that interrupted by Meredith's road rage.  Love it.

ok, because Texas is the size of apparently half the continental US, I'm gonna give a new title:  UMMM, REALLY EL PASO?

5 miles on I10 and 5 strip clubs so far ... ummm, really El Paso?

-  The Red Parrot - "non stop girls".  is it that the girls never stop, or that there is a non stop supply of girls in general?

-  The Club - with free lunch before 4pm.  it just seems economically sound.  perhaps, rick, this is a viable method of solving the crisis you asked us to consider.

NOTE TO OUR MILLIONS OF FANS AND READERS (and producers on Discovery Channel...and publishers of major literary houses...and Hollywood producers....) We are currently uploading photos on the first two posts so go back and enjoy the illustration.  Because we know you couldn't possibly imagine some of this shit.

Stay tuned for more from the Southwest....